passion

ok if I could describe my whole life in one word i'd want it to be "passion"

Our class was asked the question' how would you describe being passionate?
an adrenaline to pursue, heart racing, sold out, a driving force, contagious, to die for, to live for, excitement, an overwhelming emotion, consuming, fuel, unshaken, dedication near obsession for, extreme, uncontrollable, crazy, love.

(so what does it look like for a christian to be passionate?)

first off I have a passion for Christ - because He has a passion for me

Passion is a choice, what does that mean. I can still be passionate for Christ even when I'm on an emotional down. Whether walking through the street or on my knees worshiping my passion can still be the same.

Its a choice its practicing reminding myself "who" He is.

The bottom line of passion for God isn't the experience, its the truth of who He is.

Have that passion and catch the worlds attention. We are a race starved of passion

Isaiah 42:1-8

"Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice. he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on the earth..."

(when you feel broken and bruised in your spiritual life, God wont step on you or toss you aside as useless, but will gently pick you up. God's loving attributes are desperately needed in the world today.)

"I the Lord have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my give my glory to another or my praise to idols."

(Look at all the Lord will do for us and through us)

a word of comfort

"I will never leave you or forsake you

You will never leave my sight,

my love my will for you is perfect and beautiful

I am familiar I am that peace that comforts you, that love

I am what you adore

I made everything you desire, you enjoy, you seek

those memories

those places

those moments

I am beauty I am that which you run to

in times of worry, of fear, of need

everything good comes from me

so do good do what you love

be with those you adore

and simply glorify me

thats simply my will"

team azerbaijan

YWAM Kona’s first Azerbaijan outreach team!

    The eight of us will be taking off September 22nd and returning to Kona December 13th. We are so excited for these next two and half months! There has already been lots of prayer and encouraging words spoken over us about the people we will be reaching and our personal walk with God. Our team has been seeking Gods heart for the country and have started fasting one day a week. We believe God is desiring us as a team to reflect family and unity through Christ in Azerbaijan and carry hope to the muslim community. We want to not only grow together as a team but as a family in Christ with the Azeri people. I can see God is ready to do some deep work in us! 

We will be teaching English at a school in Baku. Baku is the capitol of Azerbaijan and true to its name it is the “wind-pounded city.”  

Azerbaijan (meaning land of eternal fire) became independent of the Soviet Union in 1991 and has a population of  around 83% Muslim. The country shares its boarder with Georgia Russia Turkey Armenia Iran and the Caspian sea. The city of  Baku thrives off of the oil dominated economy and tourism. 

We will be living in apartments inside the city and plan to visit orphanages and reach out to the homeless when we aren’t teaching English. The missionaries in Baku haven’t found a place to stay yet so please pray for affordable places (a room for the boys and a room for the girls) in the same building and close to the school. During our time there, my heart is to make close relationships with the community and to just reflect Christ’s love in everything I do. Because its so hard to evangelize my actions will have to speak louder than my words :) pray for those who will ask about Christ and pray for each of us to be discerning and impactful while we plant the seeds to start the “fire.” There are issues of mistrust and deceit because of a corrupt political background so pray against suspicion and negativity not only in the classes but within our team especially. 

Thank you for all of your prayers so far 

I can't wait to update you on all of the things God will be doing during the outreach

...too easily pleased

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased"

C.S. Lewis

All of our human passion cant even scrape the surface of experiencing what God is able to give us. He is beyond our intake - our limited understanding, yet we continue with the desire to "know" who He is...  buckle up because its going to take an eternal life to find out.

recently I asked God the question "how do I truly understand your love?" Not the love you give inside of me and others But your uncreated love that abides purely in you. How do I as a 19 yr old girl, living in the 21st century, and with my lack of understanding "get" God's love. 

That is my prayer right now. 

All i can say is so far what God is beginning to reveal to me is that first it is something that can't be described in words it is an experience (like driving fast i could explain it to you but you won't truly understand 'till you experience it) 

"God I want to experience your love so that I can scratch the surface of understanding you ...for not today or tomorrow but eternity) 

answered prayer

Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for your prayers for rachel and sarah. They were answered!! It was so crazy. God is amazing... It had honestly gotten to the point where we were all starting to accept the thought of them actually leaving. Then literally Two minutes before 3 o'clock an anonymous person came up to both girls and said they would pay for their fees. SO AMAZING! they were in shock the rest of the day... so was I lol
Thank you so much God is so good

prayer request

Hey everyone just a quick prayer request for two of my friends here on DTS (rachel and sarah). In about thirty minutes they together will need to turn in around 2,842 dollars for their outreach fee, or else they will need to pack up and leave on monday. So yea if you're reading this within the next hour please please pray that God will miraculously provide FAST ...we know God has them here for a purpose and like the saying goes "if its God's will its God's bill"

thank you

Why God?

Sometimes this question is never asked out of fear of the response, but what I have learned in this school is that to know God we must ask questions. Asking is a good thing! So...Why God? Why serve Him? Why love Him? Why is it all about God? Who is God really...no really. who is God? I feel as beeing a christian most of my life, I have stopped "thinking" and have taken the back seat in my search for God. Why was i searching Him in the first place? Some people in the church i truly believe have forgotten over time why they are a "Christ follower." Don't stop asking -that feeling you have inside - the unsettling feeling of frustration and weariness from dissatisfaction is you're hunger for Christ screaming out. Being a christian IS NOT BORING. Why do you think mankind searches his whole life for pleasure and value?  We are made that way. do you think God doesn't know that... How do we measure value? Job 28:12-22 by how original and or unique that thing is? job 28:23-28 But How do we choose when we don't understand the value? Can we say God is the most valuable without understanding His full worth?
One of the things that has been said to me over and over these two days is "Is God enough for you?" Can I truly say im reading the word loving others doing what is good because God is enough? or is His calling for my life what drives me to serve Him, the gift of ministry, the promise of Heaven? Is GOD all together enough? -this is when it hit me "Sin is what we do when God isn't enough." Lay down your right for illegitimate pleasures and find the eternal satisfactory pleasures in christ. That pleasure is found when u stop going through the motions and find enjoyment in His satisfaction. Think of this! Jesus came so that we might have Joy and fulness of Joy this very day. We are promised Joy! God doesn't want us to suppress our emotions -no live it out be alive 'cause God is alive! God rewards those who seek Him, seek the reward of being completely satisfied in Him. I love this saying "pleasure becomes the measure of the treasure" "think of this we say i have to follow Christ do the miserable, suffer and be obedient and don't count on there always being joy...No! if there wasn't the promise of Joy in Christianity i would go back to sin" So lets toss this idea that the most holy Christian is the most miserable. We are the most satisfied, pleasured, on fire, attractive people overflowing with Joy because God. is. enough.

day1 notes on "The Fear of God"

To fear God is to Know Him
Knowing God: being vulnerable before Him -striped bare- showing everything

Reaching our destiny
~God has called you to something that you (alone) can't do.
~You can't reach your destiny without the fear of the Lord. Deu 6:24 & 5:29
Gen 20:10 The fear of the Lord is not optional
it is the beginning of wisdom
*God is for you even if you may not be for you*

Growth with God is organic
God does not expect you to be advanced in His wisdom and knowledge tomorrow
He loves where you are at RIGHT NOW and wants you to grow organically -slowly and thoroughly inside and out. He's in it for the "long haul"

So what is this fear of the Lord-is it being scared of hell?
Its the beginning of wisdom it keeps us from evil... WE need this fear.... but what is it?
The fear of the Lord allows us the "context" to interpret the whole picture. Why- because no single picture or experience defines God

"I can't do that" we say that but what are we really saying
is it physical limitation or moral conviction?

God wants us to ask questions: Gen 3:9 after our rebellion what was one of the first things God does? "where are you" He asks a question ...we know that God already knows the answer than why ask? He is modeling for us -- when we don't know what to do (like when adam and eve hid after they sinned) we should ask questions. Jesus' most recorded question "what do you want?" "What can I do for you?" what is he modeling for us ... to tell him the desires of our heart, be verbal tell God what it is.

Darkness= ability to not see: when no one can see I am absolved of anything i've done.
Light= Context ; it gives us vision reveals the whole picture

*the beginning of wisdom is letting God be the one who defines you*

Sorry some of the things written don't flow very well, I just wrote down all the highlights in my notes from day one the lecture is also available on a podcast @ awakendts.com One of the things that really stuck out to me the first day was that it wasn't for God's sake we fear Him but for our own. It's for our own good that we fear because its the beginning of knowledge- the knowledge of knowing who he is fully.

outreach locations!

HEY everyone, so i was going to write some of my notes tonight about what our speaker has been sharing on "the fear of the Lord" ...such good stuff... but i couldn't wait to share! our outreach locations were announced! OK here it is: (sorry about the spelling)
Haiti
Thailand-Cambodia
China
Azerbaijan
North India
India
South America
and Omen
We were given the names this morning and had till dinner to pray about what top 2 or 3 locations God is leading us to. I was freaking out! After a lot of thinking and researching and PRAYING these are the top three I felt called to (by the way thank you everyone for your prayers so far)
1 Azerbaijan 2 north India 3 Thailand
now the staff take what we have written down and spend the rest of the week praying about it and choosing for us. I will be letting you know my outreach location soon!!

Philippians 1:9-11
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

How do we hear the voice of God?
We need to know that FIRST to hear Gods voice we must know him. We should always be striving to learn his character and build an intimate relationship with Him. This is all accomplished through His word.
"trying to hear Gods voice without knowing his word is irresponsible."

Ants

heres just a little word God spoke to me today.... So funny story I was sitting trying to listen and here Gods voice but its so hard to make sure its not u thinking or your thoughts coming into your mind...so i kept asking God ok just open my mind God, really take over here cause i cant stop "thinking" im so distracted like i keep thinking about my room, and my shower popped into my head and then immediately ants came up--OK heres why ...we have soooo many ants in our room its ridiculous, to the point where they get in my bed, and cover our food even MY TOOTHBRUSH within seconds. It has been driving me insane!
Then I heard "IM the ants" --what? thats funny? -- " I am everywhere.. following you all over the place.." "i want to cover your food your spiritual food"
ha wow!



for those of u who are reading this now ignore what im about to say lol
"yes i spelt 'aunts' wrong (i fixed it) haha now u know how tired i am oops :)

God is a "Gentle-man"

God is listening! What an amazing night... Honestly this whole week I haven't yet been on "fire" for the Lord I was hoping my feelings I posted last night would all fall away after our class this morning but it didn't. The lesson was so reassuring from the Lord and totally spoke to me urging me to dive into scripture and affirming me that everything coming from the class is directly from God...but i still had an unsettling feeling. Ok i'll try and make sense of it...I would see everyone around me be so spiritually sensitive, totally high on God, some almost acting in crazy ways i just can not relate to at any level. Thoughts would flood me like have I lost God? Is something wrong with me? I can be on fire for Him, i know it, I could feel Him back home I could worship him in complete comfort and feel his presence...But i get here and He is totally absent. Doubt flooded me, I really rethought my christianity.
Then tonight we had another worship service and all i could think was "o boy here we go again" I'm not even going to try this time i'll just sit back and watch everyone sing. I did. I stood with my hands crossed feeling awkward and frustrated. I DID NOT want anyone coming near me let alone pray for me, i was going to walking out if someone tried to come up to me i was honestly sick of sticking out from everyone. Nothing happened during worship, then it was over and before I could even walk out a hand was placed on my back. "really? please don't start prying for me." The girl asked the usual- can i pray for something...ha I almost said no. I couldn't think of anything. Then words came out of here that totally floored me she was down to earth totally calm having a rational conversation with me ...she said I want you to know whats going on inside of you is ok. It's ok to feel differently than those around you -this atmosphere is new to you isn't it -what people are doing around you. mariah God is a gentleman, He doesn't barge into places Hes not invited ..He wont throw you on the floor or make u into a fool infront of people...He loves you and respects you. You may not be feeling Him in the same way as others around you but that doesn't mean He isnt here with you. We all worishp God in a different and personal way. I see you're afraid I understand I went through the same exact thing remember Gods safe He is our safety...but also God isn't fear fear is the absence of Him. You don't have to verbally pray out loud now (unlike everyone around us) but tell God what your feeling and ask for forgiveness for fearing Him. Let Him take down your walls Slowly and gently. He is loving and kind and moving slowly and I know this isn't new for you, im assuming you've loved God for a long time. He is a gentle God and is working differently in every person here. It's a divine thing you're here mariah ur supposed to be here.
: all i have to say is if God wasn't speaking through her she is VERY good at mind reading that just blew me away everyone was saying o be prepared God's going to do crazy things ur going to have crazy stuff be said to you ...It wasn't crazy it was simple and no one jumped up and down or tried to speak tongues over me it was comfortable it came to me in "my way" and sooooo what i needed to here I mean wow I just heard from God and it all made sense everythings ok it makes sense! We are all here to find God on our level I don't have to laugh uncontrollably or fall to the ground to experience him Hes already here in me speaking quietly moving slowly and deeply.
I guess what Im trying to say is while being here I got caught up in everyones external worship of God - I dont have to be writhing on the floor to feel him i can't compare my worship to others. Just because I cant speak in tongues or laugh uncontrollably doesn't mean somethings wrong NOT AT ALL. Even our ywam leader this quarter is the same i learned, all this time i thought he was this crazy "in tune" person... he doesn't fall or laugh or do tongues or anything but His relationship with God is so so so evident and strong ...then God did an even more amazing thing He brought more people to me that are exactly the same. Our DTS leader my roommate staff, wow so amazing God really removed that fear of not belonging or being "spiritual" enough.
I hope this makes sense and it doesn't come out wrong its something very hard to explain on a page. Just make your relationship with God your own and if hes calling u to run around the room waving your hands GO for it God is limitless! But dont be discouraged when your form of experiencing God doesn't match up with others "its ok" If in Everything you do do it for the glory of god its right and good! die to yourself and direct everything.. all of your being to HIM whether that means shouting his name to rid your selfishness or kneeling to the ground calmly and quietly

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
   Try me and know my thoughts!
²⁴ And see if there be any grievous way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting!

why are you so downcast O my soul?

Tonight we worshiped in our class room facing the water while the sun was setting,and as we all began to sing peoples hearts immediately opened up and I watched as they jumped into complete "bliss." I didn't know what to think, I confess I was embarrassed. I couldn't "feel" God the music was different the place was different and i couldn't "relax" I felt left out like I belonged on the outside of the room-like i should stand off and just watch. Someone approached me during our prayer time during the service and I asked if she could pray for my fears. She asked if I could be more specific and i just broke down-"i cant feel God I don't know what to do, I feel so left out." My relationship with God feels so cold and It is the scariest feeling especially being where i am right now! I mean hello im in YWAM i just sacrificed my "entire life" to God for the next six months Im supposed to be on fire right now ready to do missions? I can't even worship!? I feel like im staring from the very beginning -im a baby christian innocent and naive again. I don't understand. I can't even describe it on this blog. BUT i do hear God saying go to scripture i NEED scripture thats the only way I will find Him here. So i decided to begin by searching for what I am feeling at this time and just writing it out ...

(Psalm42:5)  Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your 
hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Lam3:17) I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. Psalm73:16 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me

(Psalm77:3)  I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew 
faint. Selah

(Mat14:31)  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of 
little faith," he said, "why did you doubt? 40  He said..., "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Psalm 42:2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
 Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my food 
       day and night, 
       while men say to me all day long, 
       "Where is your God?"

Gods mirror

wow! what an amazing past few days...its so refreshing to experience worship here. My heart is slowly opening and searching for the love of Christ. I feel like a mirror is being held up in front of me and im finally having to look at all of the emptiness inside of me needing to be filled with the holy spirit. Gods showing me "who" i am and "who" i have become! He is starting to shake me and wake me up and just fill me with His love ..I dont want to fight it and i dont want to be doubtful or hold back. God never wants us to hold back not when he has SO MUCH to give. He's the one whose in charge and can take u to places make u do things have you impact people in ways you have NEVER imagined. I never realized how cold and afraid i have grown just over the past year. I lost all my true passion and joy... I want to find it again! I cant wait to dive into our scripture verses and really begin a brand new construction in our hearts. Everyday becomes more and more comfortable here on campus. I cant wait for the day when i can call this home and know everyone here. Just sitting in the meeting today with everyone on the DTS really opened my eyes to how huge God is. I never thought about the same God who talks to me and works in my life is talking to the friends i just met in south korea, norway, australia, and denmark. They are also being spoken to in their own language and culture and feel what i am feeling on the other side of the world! We are truly as christians connected. Its so much fun learning about other cultures i love hearing stories of their homes and listening to new words and expressions. There is so much to say ...im honestly rambling on this blog. I can't wait to begin posting after our classes begin and share what we are learning and hearing from God. I'm ready to be on this coming "high" for Jesus.

day one

Yesterday was the last day for me in washington i cant believe it came so fast. I have been overwhelmed with prayers and encouragement I will be missing everyone back home so much but even with the pain of saying goodbye im blessed to have so many around me who love me.
So now it's "today" my first day of ywam and ive never been so overwhelmed with emotion. Im still fighting the fears and uneasiness of leaving my comfort zone but I know that God has stored up so many amazing things for me these next months. He has already blessed me with an easy transition -totally a God thing- i was able to meet two girls right when i landed and have been blesses to room with them as well. God definitely is answering prayers. The staff here is amazing everyone has such joy and energy surrounding them we were all greeted with smiles and hugs! The lectures begin next week and already im excited to jump in. The town is beautiful and the people are so welcoming. I am happy to be ending my first day ...it was by far the hardest and most overwhelming day to say goodbye ...but now its hello and im eager to head forward!

7 weeks!

hey its been a while. Well, I got to meet with my church's missions council and was super blessed. I also found out that money has been coming in :) [which i will be posting soon] along with me raising my own money on the side, which has been going really well.
This month has been super crazy, but tons of fun now that my friends are coming home from college. I cant wait for the warm weather so i can spend lots of time with my family and friends before i go. I'll be updating again this week with hopefully more info on donations and gathering things for the g-sale - oh and the date is june 5th. thanks for reading!
p.s. Matthew 5:2-12

about "why-wam"

What's YWAM? Well first off it's called Youth With A Mission and its mission is to "know God and make Him known." Where I will be headed is Kona, Hawaii one of the first and largest University of the Nations campuses. Once there I will be doing the summer DTS (discipleship training school).
Here is what it's all about:
"The Discipleship Training School (DTS) is designed to help you understand God more deeply, live more like Jesus and identify your unique gifts and purpose to use in missions. DTS is an intensive, residential training course which begins with an 11 or 12 week classroom phase, followed by an 8-12 week outreach. DTS emphasizes cross-cultural exposure and global awareness, preparing students to answer the call to "Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations" Matthew 28:19.


The Summer DTS will include elements such as:

• Learning to hear and obey God’s voice
• Coming to know the Bible as God’s handbook for life
• Understanding the world we live in and the importance of worship, intercessory prayer and spiritual warfare
• Discovering and walking in your God-given identity & destiny in Christ 

During the DTS outreach phase, you will be putting into practice all you have learned. Taking the Gospel to places where people may have never even heard the name of Jesus and participating in expanding God’s kingdom. This portion of the DTS is 12 weeks long and will take place overseas. Outreach activities will include evangelism, mercy ministries, teaching, preaching, and reaching out to present Jesus in a variety of other creative ways, which you’ll help to shape."

YWAM kona